Federer twins: They're no Mary-Kate and Ashley

Roger Federer's two-year-old twin daughters are sprouting right up, and with it, so is their sense of style. Which is not to say that the phrases "empire waist" and "camisole" are in Myla and Charlene's vocab quite yet. The tennis world trusts that they're not going to be fashion moguls Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, and thus not prone to the same follies. Still, as the Swiss mag Schweizer Illustrierte shows, the tandem's styles have graduated, from Charles Dickensian street-urchin plaid (photo 3 of 8) to softer, more femme floral prints (photo 2 in the series, above, courtesy www.schweizer-illustrierte.ch via Dukas/AP Photos).

Now is that truly a floral print or actually some garden pattern of tomatoes or pumpkins? One has to wonder, as with why their papa perennially wastes match points against Novak Djokovic. Suffice it to say, the orange-yellow-green print on the pair at the U.S. Open last week looked like 1970s curtains had been parlayed into tyke-size sacks and fastened to their persons. It can only drum up the drapes that one Fraulein Maria turned into play clothes for the children of Captain Von Trapp.

What's more, although Fed fanatics are already assailing the Spin for a previous post-Open piece, it appears that Charlene has taken on the facial traits of her father. Already, at age two? Egad. Look, Roger Federer is a handsome man. He looks great in that Lindt Swiss chocolate ad. But his features have always looked a bit squished together in the middle of his face. He kind of looks like a pug. That said, pugs are cute. (Oh, I hear the Fed fans coming for me now, like the Byzantine army marching in lock-step.) It's some consolation that Fed isn't alone among attractive male celebs in appearing pug-like in the face. Consider this guy.

With a little prayer, the twins' countenances will melt into the soft, graceful disposition of mother Mirka. There's still hope for Myla at least. But, really, I joke. I kid. These girls will grow up to be full fledged, beautiful, wonderfully adjusted, likely very powerful women. Yea, when they learn to read and retain, they will probably come back for me, Kill Bill-style. And if those pretty blonde cherubs one day channel their inner Uma Thurman, I guess that makes me Vivica A. Fox. (Of course—Vivica, like me, hails from Indianapolis.) And we know how that turned out.

[Shout out to tennis blog The Slice for coverage that catalyzed this post.]

—Jonathan Scott (@jonscott9)