A different brand of Petko dance

For those who missed it in real time, as did I, here's footage of Andrea Petkovic skedaddling from the court last week during her semifinal match against Agnieszka Radwanska in Carlsbad, California.

Though she bolted out of the stadium to heave privately, Petkovic was not assessed a time violation or warning of any kind. She had earlier spoken to the chair umpire about what was termed an "acute medical condition." But leave it to a British TV commentator to weigh in hastily, offering "You have to say, there should have been a query: 'Can I?'" and "There was no inkling of anything happening." Loose lips, those. Memo to the British press forevermore: Just because you don't know the entirety of a given situation does not make it a mini-scandal.

Petko's plight did give fans some temporary, schadenfreude-tinged amusement. She also gifted this quote, sure to be one of the year's best: "I felt so embarrassed. The last two points I was like, Okay, what are you going to do? Is it more embarrassing running off the court like a maniac or throwing up on the court and being on SportsCenter for the next 25 years? I was like, Yeah, running off the court is better, so that's what I did."

She's right. And Pete Sampras she's not. (This is where I'll refrain from linking to that disturbing clip.)

Kudos to the ump, Carolyn Cramer, for handling this one like a pro. "Ladies and gentlemen, Ms. Petkovic will receive an off-court medical timeout." Now that was some positive spin.

Ah, tennis—the sport in which any wrong, whether real or perceived, is made right simply by raising a hand. Aggie Rad, herself harboring a shoulder injury at the time, ultimately ended Petko's misery by the bipolar score of 4-6, 6-0, 6-4. Of course.

—Jonathan Scott (@jonscott9)