0:10 -- Ah, what a beautiful southwestern exterior ... but surely garish indoor decor awaits.
0:44 -- "Ruger"?
0:50 -- Wow, Justin. Bang-up job with the decor, dude. Can you serve me a plate of crow to eat at that lovely dining table?
1:13 -- Seriously, the man of the house slayed a wild boar? And its head is mounted on the wall? Well, of course. Just waiting for them to say that he wrestled it and broke its neck with his own bare, burly guns. (And I don't mean firearms.)
1:25 -- Forget that boar. Bethanie's husband actually shot and killed an American bison. (Or maybe he just delivered a few uppercut punches to its throat.) And "roughly 900 pounds of meat out of him"? Very Oregon Trail of you, Mr. Sands.
1:45 -- Nifty zebra skins on the bench at the foot of the master bed and on the mirror frame above it, Beth. But it'd be even niftier if, say, Justin had manhandled that beast too. Still, have to think you recycled the material. Don't get lazy, girl.
2:10 -- Wow. BMS' walk-in wardrobe is roughly the size of most people's NYC apartments. But the question remains: Can it transport us to Narnia?
2:25 -- That jacket piece isn't real, she says? Well, good, we can at least avoid the viral photos of PETA tossing fake pig's blood on her, *Carrie*-style.
2:37 -- Ooh, strike that. Mattek-Sands owns a pair of Christian Louboutin boots. With the fur. You're on your own, missy. Watch your back.
3:03 -- Yea, a saltwater pool. Way to connect with the commoners out there, BMS. But your excuse (relaxing the muscles) makes good sense. I buy it.
3:34 -- Your dog stands on its hind legs to high-five his owner? Fine, fine. You can call him anything you want.
Just another day in the life of the Sandses. It's not quite "The Osbournes," but, for tennis, it'll do.
—Jonathan Scott (@jonscott9)
