LONDON—“Outclassed, outfought, outthought.” Who is the Telegraph thrashing today on the front page of its sports section? Maria Sharapova, after her final-round fizzle? Or do they have secret tapes of Andy Murray losing at Playstation? No, the moron in question is British boxer David Haye, who lost the world heavyweight title last night. Or, as the Telegraph puts it, “A fight that was three years in the making ended in 12 rounds of dominance last night from Wladimir Klitschko and left David Haye to be remembered as another gallant sporting loser.”
It’s official: Wimbledon is over. The papers have a new victim.
After roasting Haye, the Telegraph comes back to tennis to talk about the women’s final. Petra Kvitova, according to columnist Mark Hodgkinson, is the “anti-Maria,” an “unstarry, unaffected” young woman, a “jeans and a T-shirt” kind of girl who is only now figuring out how good she really is (she's pretty good).
—Elsewhere, Nadal and Djokovic do the pre-final dance of expectations. In boxing, two fighters walk out, chests puffed, and proclaim their greatness. In tennis, they walk out, heads down, and proclaim their opponent’s greatness. Nadal insists that Djokovic is “stronger mentally” because of his four wins over him this year. Djokovic says, wait just a second, “Physically we all know Nadal is superior.” So, I guess, neither player will win.
—Boris Becker advises Nadal to try to “land the first blow” in rallies, but he thinks Djokovic will triumph in five.
—The good feelings and anticipatory buzz can’t last forever. It turns out that there was one more Brit loser to kick around yesterday at Wimbledon. That would be junior Liam Broady, who blew a set and a break lead in the boys' final. Or, as the Telegraph says:
“TEENAGER WILTS IN THE SPOTLIGHT: Broady demonstrates same mental fragility as Murray by failing to build on early lead”
Roasting the new guy . . .
The Sunday Sport returns, without a ton of coverage, but they do get to the heart of the matter:
KVIT BLOWS SHAR-AWAY!
The paper also proclaims itself “shocked” that Nadal would “admit” that his opponent has the mental edge today.
The buzz loudens for the men’s final over at the Independent, where Greg Rusedski thinks it could be “an all-time classic,” and takes Nadal, 51-49.
—Elsewhere, columnist Paul Newman has high hopes for a Murray-Darren Cahill partnership, which should pick up after Davis Cup next weekend. And Wimbledon appears to be more popular with the royal family than ever. This year the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, the Duchess of Cornwall, and Prince Andrew and Princess Beatrice (twice) have all been in attendance. In the Independent's words, they've been “relishing their freebies.”
—The paper also includes this stat: 71 percent of line calls that have been challenged over the fortnight have proven to be correct. Is that a good number or a bad number? I can’t decide.
The Mail, maybe just out of habit, gets a few last Murray licks in:
MURRAY DIDN’T JUST LOSE ON THE COURT, HE WAS DEFEATED IN HIS HEAD AS WELL
Is there anything this mental midget can do? Murray’s brother, Jamie, tells him that, “it’s time to get married.” John Lloyd has a different, and much scarier, suggestion: Hire Jimmy Connors as his coach.
—Do the men really not come to the net anymore? The Mail says that 19 percent of winners hit in men’s matches were volleys or overheads. Again, I can’t tell if this is a high or a low number. I suppose it could be higher: Seventeen percent of winners were backhands.
—The paper doesn’t forget about poor Liam Broady, junior loser. It describes his final-round loss this way:
BROADY MELTDOWN HANDS IT TO SAVILLE
Never mind that Broady’s runner-up showing was a surprisingly good result, and a positive for British tennis overall.
The Mirror reveals that Murray likely won’t be watching the men’s final today. He’s friends with fellow-loser Haye, and has had about as much disappointment as he can take for the moment.
The paper takes a break from shredding Murray for a second and trains its eyes on another beleaguered British tennis figure, LTA chief Roger Draper:
DRAPER’S HAD ANOTHER HARD FORTNIGHT OF PR CATASTROPHES
Barry Flatman of the Sunday Times thinks that Kvitova’s entrance is perfect timing for the women, who are in need of a standard-bearer with her type of talent.
—Elsewhere, Pat Cash is picking Nadal today. He thinks he’s played his best tennis of the year in the last week or so, and that his French Open victory helped him put the earlier losses to Djokovic in 2010 behind him.
—Ah, but there is Murray talk here as well. Boris Becker says that he’s “more fragile between the ears than the big three.” Or, as the headline to a Flatman article puts it:
WINNING GRAND SLAMS IS ALL IN THE MIND FOR DESPONDENT SCOT
That’s about it for the papers and the tabs today, and that’s it for this column, which was brought to you each morning by Nescafe (what’s in that stuff, anyway; two cups and I can barely type). It’s sunny and warm at the moment, three hours before the final, and my fingers are black with newsprint. Papers, real dead-wood papers, are fun to spend time with, more fun than scrolling a computer screen, even if they are a colossal waste of resources. I wish I had time for them every day. And I secretly wish I had the Sun to look at every morning. A sick laugh or two is not a bad way to start the day.
I’ll leave you with a final thought about Wimbledon and the suffocating scrutiny that British tennis players endure. It comes from former Brit pro Annabel Croft in the Sunday Times today. In a column, she says she hopes that Murray isn’t emotionally scarred from this defeat, and that it doesn’t hurt him for the rest of the year.
Croft then describes how she felt when Wimbledon approached each June: “I used to shudder.” And Croft, whose best result at the tournament was a third-round loss to Chris Evert, admits that she wasn’t in the same league as a player as Murray and never felt anything like the pressure he does.
So, after two weeks of frankly enjoying the media madness at his expense, and on a day when I get to enjoy a great final that won’t involve him, I’ll spare a moment for Andy Murray: I hope that one day you win this damn thing.
And then, when you don't defend the title, we can start ripping you again.