by Pete Bodo
Mornin', everyone. After a few momentous weeks of high drama, Grand Slam stress and the usual knuckle-cracking, nail- biting sessions we endure during majors, let's do something a little different. Let's just have a little fun today.
You know that old expression, "one heartbeat away?" It was coined to remind Americans (although other nations may use the phrase as well, as it isn't exactly obtuse) that the office of Vice President isn't merely ceremonial, consisting mostly of meet-and-greets with B-list heads-of-state. Should something unexpected befall the President and suddenly you, Mr. thumb twiddling, photo-op posing, backslapping Vice President are...The Man—or woman, as the case may be.
In the Internet age, we are "one click away" from almost anything, which helps when we're looking for just about anything, including the correct spelling of the name of a B-list head-of-state. But the "oops" factor in a one-click away world is significant, especially when you're searching for names on one of those automated menus of the kind featured at the ITF, ATP and WTA websites. Ever transpose two letters in the name of a player and see what pops up? Or marvel at what pops up when you begin to punch in the letters of a player's last name?
Type the name "Williams" into the ITF "player search" box and you get over 100 returned names, only two of which are Venus or Serena. If you're willing to compromise and pass out first round byes, you could stage 64-draw men's and women's events, criteria being that your name is Williams and you're in the ITF database. Why not a Williams Slam, since Serena wins all of them anyway? When it comes the seedings, I'm pretty certain that for once Venus and Serena would wind up on opposite sides of the draw.
Well, that's the usual "telephone book" problem faced by anyone with a common surname. But let's see what else lies one click away from some of our favorites. Let's start with Jorge Nadal. He's the name right below that of the better-known Nadal on the ATP's drop-down menu. Jorge is 18 and hails from Spain, just like that other guy. But that's all that the ATP or I have for you. I mean that literally—there is absolutely no data whatsoever on the guy, no "playing activity" or "rankings history," which makes you wonder how Jorge got onto the ATP website with a profile page of his own, slim as it may be. Did he bribe someone? Is this some kind of practical joke?
Another guy who lives close to Rafa in menu-land is an Iranian player, Hamid Reza Nadaf. We know a little more about this guy, like that he's won $418 in his career, and he's currently just 20 ranking places outside of his career high of 1505. I presume that if this guy wants to get a game down at the local park, he has to go through qualifying. Seriously, though, being a tennis player from The Islamic Republic of Iran isn't so easy, as we've been told by Mansour Bahrami.
By the way, the guy next door to Bahrami in mouseland (at least if you type in just the first three letters of Mansour's surname) is the wonderfully named Haridyamin Baharuddin whose age and date of birth aren't even on his ATP profile page. We know exactly two things about him: Haridyamin is from Brunei Darussalam, and his career prize-money this far is $207 (that's singles and doubles, in case you were wondering).
Now, start typing in Roger Federer's surname and up pops—Mike Fedderly! He's an American kid who was ranked No. 324 in November of 1984. John McEnroe, it turned out, need not have worried.
Some of you may be surprised to know that Kim isn't the only Clijsters from Belgium. There's also Kim's sister, Elke Clijsters, who's 18 months younger and retired in 2004 because of various injuries. Elke won an ITF singles title, played on the Belgian Fed Cup squad, and posted a career high ranking of 389. I'm surprised that Elke isn't more of a presence in Kim's public life. Kim is big into family and all that stuff, and Elke just had her second child last November. Maybe she just doesn't want to sit around the player-guest box, or do interviews about how tough it is to be Kim's sister. Now Kim is talking about having a second child as well. Mere coincidence? Wouldn't you love to know more about that sibling dynamic?
And have you heard of this talented young blonde Belarusian, Daria Sharapaova? She's 15 and trains at the IMG Nick Bollettieri Tennis Academy. She's not Maria's sister, she's her cousin, born to Alexander Sharapov, brother of Maria's dad, Yuri. Also, begin punching "Ljubicic" into the ATP search box and you'll learn that Ivan has a brother, Vedran Ljubicic. Those Balkan dudes, including Novak Djokovic and his siblings, sure are into family dynasties...
Do you know anything about Nurit Raymond? No, she's not related to Lisa Raymond, the U.S. Fed Cup doubles stalwart and the pride of Norristown, Pa. At least I don't think she is. Nurit is listed as being from Israel. It's hard to learn much about her (other than her age, 32, which by that other Raymond's standard means she's just hitting her stride). When you consider how many American Jews spend a significant period of time in Israel, you have to wonder what Nurit's story is. Could it be that she's from Morristown, N.J., which is just one click (and a few tollboths) from Norristown, Pa.?
And who needs Bjorn Borg (or his kid, Stefan) when you're just a few clicks away from discovering Boris Borgula, a Slovak who had a win over Martin Stepanek at a Czech Republic Futures event and went all the way to the semis before he lost to Poland's Lukasz Kubot?
In trying to confirm that Martin isRadek Stepanek's brother, I learned that quite a few Martin Stepaneks have distinguised themselves in old Czech-O. One Martin Stepanek is an actor and politician, another is an ice hockey player; still another is a renowned free-diver. And one of them is—I kid you not—a "grass skier." I'm going to have to Google that.
Rats, i just learned that Radek Stepanek does indeed have a brother Martin. Only he's a policeman, not a tennis player. But that's okay—he's still just one click away.
I'll be back tomorrow with an Around the World in 1000 Words post. . .