TW Awards: 2008

by Pete and Jackie-Oh

Greetings, everyone. Are y'all nice and burned out from the holidays?  We both had a great Christmas, but instead of rehashing the experience (so many Legos, so little time), we're going to get right into our TW annual awards. As you may know, our poster-of-the-year for 2007 is Ptenisnet, and if you want to see the ugly details (actually, they're pretty interesting), click here. This year, we're naming a male and female PoY again (in 2006, MarieJ and Dunlop Maxply copped female and male PoY honors, respectively). This year, we again have a male and female PoY:

Male PoY: Master Ace - We could talk about his knowledge of things as intricate as the Tennis Channel broadcast transmission speeds, the number of points up for grabs at the Sierra Leone Challenger, or the average point differential between players ranked between 76 and 125 on the WTA computer, but it all comes down to a basic, towering reality: in moments when most of us experience that queasy feeling (Duh. . . maybe I really don't know jack. . .) there's always Master Ace, aka Patrick Hinton. He is our go-to guy. As Jackie-Oh puts it,  MA is "the Twibe's encyclopedia."

Female PoY: JB - The Internet can be a volatile place at an open-source site like this, and so there's a special value in being, well, civil - no matter how high the stress (or how offensive the troll). While JB may not be around as often as some other posters, she's been with TW since the outset, and when she drops by she always lights up the comments. She also had a critical role in shaping our collective aesthetic (her greatest contribution: identifying the value of "orange food", as in Cheese Doodles and Ritz Bits, for couch-bound TW channel surfers). Hail, she's so nice, she won't even roll her eyes or stamp her foot when we borrow a phrase from Donald Trump to describe her: She's a quality human being. (Back off, Donald, she's not for sale).

Congrats to both contributors - if you ask Ptenisnet nicely, he may write each of you a one-line acceptance speech.

Before we get to our individual awards, we just want all of you to understand that in something like this, it's almost impossible not to leave out someone deserving or notable. It's the cost of doing business. And as this is a group effort (we culled through a long list of nominations submitted by you), we invite you to pay tribute to anyone we may have missed in this review - and hope you all understand that the oversight was inevitable and unfortunate, not intentional.

The TW award for fidelity to the Royal Order of the Dalmation Brother and Sisterhood goes to: Tina.

The poster most likely to provide eye-candy via TinyURL is: Malimeda.

The award for raising the level of discourse to, roughly, that of what you might find in the faculty dining lounge at an Ivy League university goes to: Gabriela Valentina.

The poster most likely to be bombarded with nicknames forevermore: Bismarck.

Poster with the best virtual wink: Sam.

The I can't help it, the exclamation point key is stuck! award goes to: Jacko.

Poster most likely to elicit an LOL is: Ptenisnet.

The award for Most Creative Sublimation of Primitive Urges goes to: Rosangel.

TW's official anti-hero is: Naughty T.

The I haven't read the post, but is anyone around??????????? award goes to: Maha.

The official TW Southern California Cool Mommy Dance Team: Beth and Jenn.

Poster most likely to die of frostbite before earning his degree: Lleytsie.

The award forRaising the Comment to a Novel-Length Art Form While Still Knowing What You're Talking About (Sort of) goes to: NP.

Poster most likely to be confused with Sir Lancelot on a street corner in Oregon: Sherlock.

The TW Malcolm Lowry Award for Seductive Dissolution (comes with a signed copy of Under the Volcano, but the bad news is that it's signed by Vince Spadea) goes to: Gauloises.

The Cut to the Chase award goes to: Syd.

Poster who proves that you don't have to be nut-job to spend a lot of time on the Internet: Ruth.

The I Wish Every Day Were Black Friday award goes to: Samantha Elin. (Go, Samantha!)

Most adorable (forgive us, TW is loaded with adorables): Neil in Toronto, Sherlock (figures!), Sam (it's a ploy!), Violetta, Mina, Ren, Harini, Tangi, Rafadoc, Vetmama, MissTari.

The Roger Lost,  But I can Handle This (I think) award goes to: Tari

Poster least likely to waste perfectly good tea leaves on something as frivolous as fortune-telling: Jewell.

The TW Texas Rangerettes are: Violetta (Sure, I can find that stream-song-sniglet-bail bondsman for you. . .) and RudyI don't Need No Stinkin' Electricty 3. Up to you to guess which one is our Woodrow Call, or Gus McCrea.

Poster most likely to be banished to a remote penal colony near Antarctica for serial comma abuse:  Aussiemarg.

The Grrrrrrrrrr. . . award goes to: Tigress

The I Know Roger's a Dude and all, but Somebody has to Stick up for his Honor award goes to: Naughty T and Russ.

Poster most likely to say, Hail With This, What Award do I get from Facebook Group?  Rg.nadal

The singing invertebrate most likely to be plucked off Centre Court and placed - gently - on Henman Hi. . . er, Mount Murray is: Greenhopper.

The Most Misleading Screen Name award goes to: Crazyone.

The Three Muskeeters of TW (aka, the No M'am club) are: NP, Ren, and Pspace.

Poster most likely to one day appear on pay per view TV in a PVC bikini, busting a chair over the head of a 300-pound goon in a red speedo: Jackie.

The Starbucks Pot-Stirrer award goes to: Tim.

Poster most likely to deliver a killer line followed by the click, click, click of her silver stiletto heels on the pavement as she disappears into the foggy night: Rachael.

Poster most qualified to unlock the secret meaning of Rafael Nadal's dreams: Rafadoc.

The TW Golden Scalpel award goes to: Grant.

The TW Rafa Fan Chain-Yanker award goes to: Russ.

The Samantha Elin Stand by Your Player award goes to: Carrie. (Go, Carrie!)

The Doomsayer From the Frozen Wasteland North of Detroit award goes to: Piyush Sharma.

The I'm Trying to be Reasonable, but it Takes Some Effort award goes to: Sher.

Posters we love, plain and simple as that: Jenni, Hart, Brad.

The I'm a geek and Danged Proud of it! award goes to: Pspace.

The I'm Not worked Up, Oh my God What's Happening? award goes to: Beckham.

The official TW bartender (drinks are on David Nalbandian tonight!) is: Nancy.

The Yes, it is a Test and You Will be Graded award goes to: Andrew.

Poster to whom you could safely trust your child, scratch-off lottery ticket, or that old baseball cap signed by Dudi Sela: Arun.

The Elvis Has Left the Building award goes to: Snoo Foo.

Poster whose match-calling is most missed: Whitney.

The To Hail with the Rez, I'm Setting up my own Tee Pee award goes to: CNote.

The Dunlop Maxply award for actually knowing what he's talking about, tennis-wise, goes to: Slice 'n Dice.

The Master Yoda award be being entirely too wise goes to: Andrew Friedman/aka Rolo Tomassi

Poster with the most positive energy: Avid Sports Fan.

The I Don't Know the Answer to This, but I'm Afraid to Ask award goes to: Annie.

The Gee, Can She Really be that Nice award goes to: Harini.

The Voice of Reason award goes to: Christopher, over the protests of Andrew and Ruth, so the three of them will have to get in the octagon and fight it out for the award.

And, finally, the TW comment of the year, which comes from Jenni:  Yes, Nole may - or may not - be the devil.

If we missed anyone, Twibe, weight in below - and have a good time preparing for the New Year!