In my post at ESPN today, I threw out a few thoughts about the "clay-court specialist" theme, which is something we seem to return to fairly often at this time of year. I thought it might be fun to narrow down what might be called the "search terms" if you were to Google clay-court specialist. In fact, why don't I do that right now, just for kicks, to see what we come up with. Hold on.

Okay.

So the closest I can come to an actual definition is one of the very first entries (I only had the patience to wade through three pages of links) at -you guessed it? - WickedPeeDia. But isn't that a place where you can define anything, any way you want, at least until somebody reports to the editors there that Cherry Garcia was not, in fact, a founding member of the Grateful Dead, but a founding father of the United States? You know how Wiki works. Or doesn't.

In any event, let's assume Wikipedia got it right and take a closer look at the definition. Here it is, in full, for those of you who are too lazy to click the link. I'm going to Fisk it, italicizing the Wikipedia text in its entirety:

A clay-court specialist is a tennis player who excels on clay courts, but does not perform to the same standard on hard courts, grass courts, or other surfaces.

Hmmm. . .  The five most deadly players at Roland Garros, the clay tournament that counts the most (Roland Garros), have been Bjorn Borg, Ivan Lendl, Mats Wilander, Gustavo Kuerten and Rafael Nadal. Last time I checked, those guys won a few noteworthy tournaments on surfaces other than clay.  Among them, only Nadal comes anywhere close to qualifying for the label, but for a strange combination of two reasons that might make you think twice about applying it to him: he wins everything clay (which does not, in and of itself, make him a CCS), and he's already put up some great results on other surfaces.

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Nadal is already the defending Wimbledon runner-up, he's bagged three non-clay Masters Series titles, and he's 2-2 vvs. Federer on hard courts.So for all the talk about CCSs owning the European spring circuit, the bottom line is that you have to go pretty far down the roll of Roland Garros champions before you hit anything like a true CCS. It seems to me that being a CCS has less to do with having great results on clay than it does with having lousy results on everything else, which represents an odd leap. But that standard, posting better times in the 220 meter race than in the 440 makes you a "220 specialist."

You could put it that way, but why would you want to?

The term is most frequently applied to professional players on the ATP or WTA tours rather than to average players.

That's flat-out fifty per cent crazy; there is no such thing as a CCS on the WTA Tour (and yes, I do remember Ivanna Madruga), period.

Many players from Latin America and Spain are considered to be clay-court specialists, due to the prevalence of such courts in these places. They are thus accustomed to the unique skills the surface requires.

At the end of 2006, six players from Spain and Latin America were in the Top 25: Rafael Nadal, Tommy Robredo, David Nalbandian, Fernando Gonzalez, David Ferrer, and Juan Carlos Ferrero. Guess who comes closest to qualifying for CCS from the group? Okay, I'll bet some of you thought it must be Ferrer.  According to our very own Rosangel's recent surface rankings, he was No. 16 on hard, 18 on grass, and 12 on clay. That's a clay-court specialist? How about the clay-encrusted Latino dirtballer, Gonzo? He's No. 35 on clay, and No. 3 on hard courts. Robredo comes closest to conforming to a CCS stereotype, because he's only No. 11 on hard, 40 on grass, and a whopping 3 on clay. But does anybody watching Robredo think, "Dirtballer! This guy's the second coming of Sergi Bruguera."

All in all, the two sentences from Wikipedia would be more accurate if they read: Many players from Latin American and Spain are especially good on clay courts, which often carries over to their hard court results, perhaps due to some similarities between the playing properties of those surfaces.

And that stuff about clay requiring "unique skills" is ill-considered hooey. I'll tell you what requires "unique skills." Getting your face out of the way of a Nadal passing shot on any surface, being a Marat Safin fan, or sitting through an entire Nikolay Davydenko match.

For example, a common feature of clay-court specialists is their ability to slide on the surface to get to the ball, something that hard courts and grass courts do not permit.

Okay, grass and hard courts do not "permit" sliding, unless you're name is Kim Clijsters (Hey, did anyone hear? She's getting married and isn't that into tennis anymore!). Whats that got to do with the price of tea in China? And while nominal CCSs indeed have the ability to slide on clay, so do you and I. It isn't that hard, trust me. In fact, some of those guys are so busy sliding and striking poses (Emilio Sanchez was great at that!) that they have no chance to pivot and push off to deal with the return of the shot they just hit. Sanchez was the kind of the show-off slide and he never won jack (Grand Slam-wise). The CCS's ability to slide is about as distinguishing a characteristic of a great player on clay as my ability to use a comma in the right place makes me a good writer. It's not about the commas. It's not about the sliding.

Many of them are also very adept at hitting the drop shot, an especially effective shot on the surface because the ball tends to bounce much lower than on hard courts, grass courts, or other surfaces

The drop shot was officially placed under the protection of the ESA (the Endangered Species Act) when Kuerten blew out his hip. If your use of the drop shot qualifies you as a CCS, Nadal is something other than that. Oh yeah - anybody care to do the research on which surface produces a lower bounce for the drop shot, clay or grass?

Additionally, the clay surface tends to be much slower than other surfaces, meaning the ball does not bounce as quickly, so the rallies are longer, which requires a great degree of mental focus and physical stamina. Most important, perhaps, is the fact that a serve-and-volley player is at a distinct disadvantage on a clay court, because his or her service is slowed down enough to let the receiver handle it cleanly, even aggressively, rather than defensively, as can be the case on a faster surface. Their effectiveness at the net is therefore greatly diminished.

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Okay, we're back to the heart of the matter. What we are really saying here is that the serve-and-volley game is not as effective on clay as on faster surfaces. What, exactly, does that have to do with being a "specialist" of any kind? It does, however, have something to do with being a clay-court loser, which doesn't make the guy who beats you on clay a CCS.

Here's another thing: is a "bounce" relatively slow or fast, or is it just a bounce? Don't we really want to say that the ball slows down after it bounces (I know, pick, pick, pick. . .). But it's funny, when you start with an amorphous concept like CCS, it's a slippery slope. I would also say that tennis on fast surfaces may require even more "mental focus", simply because the game is faster, but I'll admit that clay calls for superior stamina.

The term "clay-court specialist" is not pejorative per se, but can be considered insulting to players who are described as such because the term implies a lack of comparable skill on other surfaces.

Not only does it "imply" said lack of skill, it says right at the top of the Wikipedia definition that CCSs have a demonstrable lack of comparable skill on other surfaces. Come on, folks, you can't have it both ways! The term CCS is most decidedly pejorative; in fact, that may be the only aspect of the entire CCS construction that you can reasonably defend on logical grounds.

Most players would deny being "clay-court specialists." Clay-court specialists are sometimes referred to as "dirtballers" which carries a slightly more negative connotation.

And if that doesn't do the trick, try saying, Yo mama is so fat she gets he toes painted by Earl Sheib!

Some examples of prominent past and present players who are frequently referred to as clay-court specialists are: Rafael Nadal, Guillermo Coria, Thomas Muster, Gustavo Kuerten and Gastón Gaudio.

Yeah, that Coria and Gaudio are really tearing up the clay again, eh? There's an "if a tree falls in the forest. . ." quality at play in this entire meme, which is annoying as all get out. If the word "specialist" has any real meaning, the guy you hang it on has to have some distinction to justify it. I'm not going to trash Coria or Gaudio; they're players who simply ran out of competitive steam, and what's that got to do with sliding? It's an insult to call Kuerten or Nadal CCSs, but we've already been through that. That leaves Muster. The guy had a couple of good years and won Roland Garros once; he also got to the fourth round or better at the U.S. Open five times, and made two Australian Open semis. I know some nominal "hard court specialists" who wouldn't mind having his record.

And yes, Muster was oh-for-four at Wimbledon, losing his first match each of the four times he bothered playing there. I don't think that means he's a clay-court specialist; I think it just means he stinks on grass.

Okay so there's your warm-up for the Rafael Nadal vs. Novak Djokovic match tomorrow. Feel free to make your predictions below. I like both these ponies, but I'm riding with the Djoker!