Violation!

I didn't want to write about the Serena Williams-Justine Henin match yesterday for a number of reasons, starting with the fact that I didn't want to rain on Serbia's parade. But I did address it today over at my ESPN slot,  and I've had plenty of time to think about it. Serena did the last thing I expected - which is also what she did in Australia, where my expectations were reversed. One thing about this girl - she knows how to keep you off balance.

Yesterday, Serena had a chance to make a big statement, and establish herself as a competitor of unrivaled grit and determination. An 8-6 in the third victory over Henin would have been nice, but just winning here, even if she did not meet Henin, would have been sufficient. Williams has won at Roland Garros "only"  once (2202), and adding another championship, especially one snatched from deep in Henin territory, would have buffed her credentials as a player for all surfaces. Furthermore, Serena would have wiped out any doubt about her ability to dominate the WTA Tour.

But here's what I think happened:

Serena, in the grip of what everyone was thinking and saying after her formidable displays in Melbourne and Miami (where she came back from a seemingly hopeless deficit and dismissed two match points to beat Henin for the title), appeared confident and ready to silence all doubters. She played well in patches here during the first week, and looked strong in her Round-of-16 win over Dinara Safina, 6-2,6-3. This wasn't about clay, this wasn't about Justine, this wasn't about rankings (Serena, after all, was a lowly No. 8, hence the seeding that put her opposite Henin). This was about Serena, having decided to make a career of it after all, getting her mean on for another feeding frenzy.

So it was that much more surprising - and troubling - to see not that she lost, but how she lost. With very little fight and focus, the two things we've come to expect her. With no apparent game plan (not that she needs one, but sometimes it helps). With a start so poor (she presented Henin with a break in her first service game) and slow that the overall impression was that she didn't want to play at all. And therein lies the key to that strange, deeply unsatisfying match. Serena Williams not wanting to play is a little like Liz Taylor not wanting to marry someone. It was far more disappointing - and mystifying - than seeing her fight her guts out, only to lose 7-5 in the third to anyone, including Henin.

The one thing I found extraordinary in her opaque presser following the match was that nobody brought up the clay issue until I did. This surprised me, because my feeling is that Serena walked out on that court trusting herself, knowing that at the point where she and Henin were locked in deepest combat - when each woman could taste the other's perspiration, and smell the sour stench of warfare on the other's breath - she would find a way to win. And perhaps she would have, because in close, belly-to-belly, is where Serena is at her most dangerous.

But this conviction rested on an assumption of towering arrogance, and what she didn't count on, it seems, is that she might not get to that point. That Justine could blow her out.

So Serena stepped out on that court and found herself facing the most formidable clay-court player of the present era, the post Steffi-Graf era. And she was facing Henin on her own turf, before her own crowd. And the major factor in that equation was not Justine and it was not Stade Roland Garros; it was the clay surface, and the way Henin plays on that surface, which is a far cry from the way Dinara Safina or any of the other patsies Serena had faced plays. Nine, 10 points into the match, Serena must have realized, unconsciously, perhaps, that Henin's game on clay was something she had not prepared to face, psychologically or physically.

Great champions, and Serena is one, lose matches. They make critical errors. They have horrific lapses, although not all that often, and end up asking themselves, How the hail did that happen? But great champions rarely shut down, cold. When they do, it's a terrible thing to behold, because it's the ultimate self-betrayal, this embrace of "anti-champion" conduct. Yesterday, that shutting-down was perfectly expressed by the odd, stilted atmosphere of the match; by an utter lack of the kind of energy such an occasion usually generates, in the spectators and the players. It was almost surreal. They could have been a qualifier and No. 23 seed, playing the fourth match on Chartrier on the first Tuesday.

We had all been sucked into Serena's hero narrative since Australia, but it wasn't like we were hoodwinked or fooled. My own coverage of Serena has been all over the place, and I'm starting to think that it isn't because of who I am as much as who she is. Most players, and especially top players, are very consistent competitors and personalities, their results, once they achieve maturity, tend to fluctuate over a small and well-defined territory. Serena is all over the map. It certainly makes things interesting.

I think all this also helps explain why Serena was so impassive, uncharitable and evasive in her presser. Self-betrayal isn't a pretty thing, and I imagine that at some level, the person she was most down on was herself. The dis-ingenuousness of her presser was probably in direct proportion to the self-loathing she felt at that moment. She was stony and stubborn most of the way, which means she must have felt pretty lousy. Never underestimate a champion's pride that way

So let's roll through the lowlights:

"You opened the first, second set with tentative starts, led to you being broken.  How impactful were those to your result?"

No, I don't think it was tentative.  I just think it was -- I don't know what it was.  I don't know.  There's really no explanation for it.  Just bad starts more than anything.

Interpretation: Maybe I was tentative, maybe not; in either event, you'd be the last person I'd admit it to.

(This one was me) "It was kind of a subdued tone to the whole match, you know, kind of an almost slow, quiet feeling to it all.  Was it the weight of the occasion?  You never seemed to pop with energy or anything? "

Oh, I don't know.  I mean, I can't answer that.

Interpretation: I don't want to answer that.

"How positive is it the way you and Justine left the court?  I know you didn't like what happened during the match, but the fact that you clearly have this mutual respect and admiration now, how good is that for you, personally, and also for the women's game? "

Well, I have a respect for everyone that plays tennis.  I'm a very professional individual, and I leave everything on the court.  And that's all you can do.  And I don't take too much of it off.  You know, I leave everything I have on the court.  And that's just me and that's my attitude.

Interpretation: I won't say the name "Justine" or acknowledge that she's any different from anyone else I play.

"Beginning of the second set, she hits that backhand return that bounces off the top of the net; you lose the point.  And then after the game, you smash your racquet to the ground.  At that point, did you realize, Things are just not going my way today?"

No, at that point I hadn't even realized how many errors I was making.  At that point -- I mean, I was still fighting.  I mean, I was fighting until the end.  But I just, I don't think I've ever played so bad in the quarterfinals of a Grand Slam.  And it's not, you know, here I am always saying I want to peak at the right times, but I didn't have any peaks today.  And I just -- I don't -- I've never played so hideous and horrendous, and all those other words I can use to describe my play today.

Interpretation: It's all about me. Always.

"But in Australia before you peaked at the end, the last two matches, you had some real dicey matches when you weren't on your game, but you were still able to kind of gut it out, find a way to win.  Why didn't that happen today?"

I was -- I definitely think today was worse than anything I've played in Australia, for sure.  It gives no comparison.  I don't know why.  I mean, there's just no comparison.

Interpretation: Nobody has ever played as badly as I played today. Not ever.

"Obviously, taking into account what you're saying, but can you address Justine's game?  I mean, how you felt she played?  How much of how she played was due to how you were playing, et cetera? "

She played -- I think, all she had to do was show up.  I mean, she didn't -- I thought that she did well, but I've played against her when she's played even better.  I thought she played really well, though.  She had her little tactics, and, you know, but I thought she hit decent.

Interpretation: Just repeat that line to yourself, "She had her little tactics. . ."

(This was me again) How much, if any, impact did the fact that the match was played on clay have?

I don't think it had much impact, you know.  I just think that maybe it was slower.  I don't know.  For me, it's the same.  Obviously, it's different, but I don't mind the clay.  I actually love it.  I don't think it made that much of a difference today.

Interpretation: I hate it except when I love it (which is when I win).

"It seemed like on a lot of the points that you got into rallies, she was dictating a lot of the time.  Did you feel that, and if so, why do you think that was?  Was she more aggressive than Miami?  Was it that your shots weren't going through the court as much?  What do you think the reason was? "

Yeah, I mean, I didn't take my opportunities, and I didn't, you know, do anything that I was supposed to do, like move up and things like that, and all of the other things I was supposed to do.  I just pretty much stood back and let her take advantage of me. And I feel violated.

Interpretation: All I had to do was show up, and I didn't.

Postscript: The most powerful quote in the presser was the final line, above: I feel violated. If you're why you didn't read that in many of the mainstream press reports, it's because some of the most powerful and popular news agencies and newspapers believe that the word, "violated", is too associated with rape, and fear it may be offensive to readers. Meaning, they are afraid some people might call and complain. Strange attitude, isn't it?