by Pete Bodo
During Roland Garros, I took a look early on at how the French players, including that legion of wild card entries, fared. It seems only appropriate to check on their British counterparts now that Wimbledon is going full bore. As you know, and probably expected, it's been pretty much a train wreck for British players - only two, Andy Murray and Elena Baltacha, survived the first round to fight another day. So let's take a closer look at the results, and hear from some of the poor souls who were thrown to the wolves (aka, their fellow pros and the media, two distinct but equally ferocious packs).
Bag Boy
The former Top 10 American pro Eddie Dibbs once cracked that if it were not for tennis, he'd be a "bag boy at the Food Fair", a reference to a popular supermarket chain of the time. That theme re-emerged again the other day after British player Daniel Evans lost in the first round to Nikolay Davydenko.
Q. What are you going to spend it (first-round prize money) on, anything?
A: "I don't know. Probably not a lot. I'll just keep it, rainy day. I might not be a tennis player soon, might be stacking shelves."
*
Q. From what you were saying there, money is not the incentive for you anyway?*
A: "No. Well, I like to compete, and I've always been like that, and that's it, really. I enjoy competing. . . Yeah, for sure I'm not going to be 25 still asking for wild cards, simple as that. You've got to earn a living sooner or later, and if you're not earning a living, I won't be 23, 24, still trying to get to the top 100 and playing Futures and Challengers. I don't know, I think it's just respect for yourself, you know?
I've got bigger things, I think, to do than just sit around like that and do that in Futures. You see them every week, week in and week out, and half of them are destroying young hopes. I've played them, and they beat me, and it's like, Oh, God, you lost to him again. I don't want to be doing that in four or five years."
*
Q. What else could you do? A lot of people keep going and doing tennis because they perhaps couldn't do anything else. You sound like you've got --
*
A: "No, I mean, you put it into this perspective; there's no point in sitting at a Futures event winning two rounds, you make £170. What's the point? You'd have to work four days for that because you'd be there two days before a tournament. Would you do it?"
Q. It would be a promotion (pay raise) for me (laughter). Have you got an idea about career-wise --
A: "No, haven't had to think about it. Tesco's (the British equivalent of Food Fair) are offering, though (laughter)."
!Andy Watergate!
Andy Murray committed the commercial faux pas of going on court for his first-round match with water bottled by Highland Spring (It sounds kind of Scottish; can't you just hear the bagpipes playing Amazing Grace. . . If I hear bagpipes playing Amazing Grace one more time. . . never mind). This clearly violated the sponsorship agreement Wimbledon has with some other water company (you want me to write the name, buckos, you write the check first!).
Let's cut to the presser:
Q. Is it right you got a minor ticking off for drinking the wrong sort of water? That you drank some Highland Spring and you're apparently not allowed to do that?
A: "No, definitely didn't get a ticking off. It's just that I use liter-and-a-half bottles for my energy drink. The sachets I use are a liter-and-a-half. I have Highland Spring ones, so I was still allowed to drink out of the bottles, I just needed to take the label off. He (presumably the umpire, who as we all know is up in that high chair to make sure the players don't violate Wimbledon's water-sponsor agreement) just asked me to take the label off, and I took it off straightaway."
Q. That's the rules, is it?
A: "It happens at a lot of the tournaments where they have water sponsors. I mean, I've had to do it quite a lot of times this year. Normally we take them off before the match, but sometimes we forget."
Too Mature for Hannah Montana, Are We?
Laura Robson, the bright and shining hope of British women's tennis, played a solid match (for a 15-year old) against Daniela Hantuchova. I don't know where tennis will take her in the future, but this kid's got spunk:
Q: What was going through your mind in the dressing room beforehand, just about to go out there?
A: "Nothing really (smiling). I was kind of thinking about what the towels were going to look like this year. They're really nice (laughter)."
Q. You've been busy lately with your studies and tennis training. What do you do to relax in your spare time, being 15?
A: "Uhm, I watch Gossip Girl. But, no, season two is finished out. I'm so depressed. But, yeah, I don't know. I just do normal stuff (smiling)."
Q. Do you get much time to socialize, or can it be quite hard?
A: "I socialize (laughter). Yeah, what do you want me to say, I've got no friends (laughter)?"
She's So Good She Reminds me of Me!
And then there was this bit, from haughty Dani Hantuchova's own presser after she beat Robson in three:
Q. Can you remember what you were like as a 15 year old?
A: "Actually, she reminded me a lot of myself. You know, she's got a great feel in the hands. She's not afraid to do whatever she feels like on the court."
I expect that any day now, we'll see Dani show off that "great feel", perhaps by hitting a volley?
Let's See if We Can Make Her Cry. . .
After Anne Keothavong was taken out in straights by Patty Mayr:
Q. This is not an accusation, but do you feel as though you've let a few people down today?
A: "I feel like I've let myself down more than anything. You know, Wimbledon is such a special tournament to me. And, you know, this year especially, I just felt, you know, I've overcome so much just to get where. . . "
At this point, Keothavong began to tear up - not that it mattered.
Q. Did you put more pressure on yourself, do you think?
The tears were rolling now, so the moderator intervened: "Can we stop for a few minutes?"
Keothavong left the room, composed herself and the first word she said when she returned was: "Sorry."
Kids say the darndest things.
In that Case, Let's Go With a Ping Pong Paddle
Joshua Goodall lost a 5-setter to Michael Llodra, but he's had a pretty decent grass court season, at least by British standards, thanks partly to a change of equipment.
Q. You changed your racquet just before the start of the championships a couple of weeks ago, which is a bit of a gamble. He (Josh's coach) also seemed to think you played a hell of a lot better with a shorter racquet.
A: "Yeah, I mean, some people would think that is like a no-go. They'd never be able to do that. I don't know, I've got a weird head (I presume Josh was taking about his own head, not the one on the racket). Things like that don't bother me. I knew it was going to benefit me more to change to a shorter racquet.
!Balta It May Not be My Fifth Straight Wimbledon Title, But it Sure Feels That Way!
Elena Baltacha, the other Brit (after Murray) who advanced to the second round, admitted that she knew the fate that befell her countrymen, which made her win over Alona Bondarenko that much sweeter.
*
Q. Had you rehearsed that Bjorn Borg style celebration at the end?*
A: "No, I didn't. But you know what, I kept thinking, I'm gonna win this. I am gonna win this. There's no way I'm gonna lose this. No way. I kept thinking of match point, when I get to match point, how I'm gonna play match point. You know, I tried to keep visualizing how I was gonna win it, you know. But I didn't think of celebrating, 'cause just before my celebration I think, Right, you've still got a bit to do now. But I did constantly keep saying to myself, You are going to win this. You are definitely within a shout. There's no doubt, you're going to come through this. When I did actually come through, I didn't believe it."
I was hoping for a follow-up question, something like this: Did you ever think, I'm gonna win this thing?"
Kick Me, Beat Me, Poke Me in the Eye (Part 1)
Tomas Berdych took out Alex Bogdanovic, the 25-year old Brit, in the first round in straight sets. Somebody smelled blood.
The Introduction:
Q. Pretty disappointing. You were in there each set. Just didn't work out for you.
A: "Yeah, definitely. I felt I played a good match out there. Just when it came down to crucial points, games towards the end, you know, I made a few mistakes. He obviously took advantage of that. And I think when you play at such a high level, it's just difficult to kind of, you know, he takes advantage straightaway, and, you know, the set is over."
The Exposition of the Main Theme:
Q. Eight years in a row now, isn't it, that you've not got past the first round? How does that feel?
A: "Well, it's difficult. Obviously, it's tough. I come here every year expecting myself to win. You know, it's obviously the eighth year. I can't get past the first round. But you look back at the draws I've had. They haven't been easy, from, I don't know, Escude, Sargsian, Nadal, Berdych. These guys are all top players. Obviously, champions, as well. All you can do is just go out there and, you know, do your best.
Q. Was there ever a time in those eight years that you thought you should have got through?
A: I think maybe one winnable match. I think I played one year Kevin Kim (he's no Sargsian, but the dude can play some!).
Cutting to the Chase:
You know what? I'm going to quote just the (real) questions, in order. And instead of quoting that poor kid's replies, I'm going to fill in the statement implied by each of the questions for, as we all know, reporters' questions are very often statements in disguise:*
*
Q. I think you have the worst record of any man here. How does that make you feel?
Please say it makes you want to fling yourself off the Tower of London; it would make a great headline!
Q. Do you think you are getting better?
We think you stink and are going nowhere fast.
Q. Twelve months ago we sat in this room after your last defeat, and you said you were determined to keep coming back until you did win. Is that still your mindset?
And we're not talking about winning as in "winning Wimbledon." We're talking about the outside chance that you may win one match here some day.
Q. Do you enjoy it here?
Muwaaahahahahahahah!
Q. Why do you do so badly then? Why do you never win here?
Bleed for me, sucker.
Q. There has been some questioning about the fact that you get a wild card all the time. Do you ever think to yourself, Oh, don't give me a wild card, let me try and qualify? Do you ever have that in your mindset to ease the pressure in some way?
Why don't you man up and stop wasting our time; this wild card could have gone to Goran Ivansevic!
Q. So you'll be back next year?
Why the hail don't you just get out and stay out.
Q. Does it bother you that you get all this stick?
We love picking at your open sores, please say it hurts.
Q: What do you think you'll do if and when you do finally win one? Have you pictured that moment?
As if!
Q: How many years do you think you have left in you?
Hey, this is getting old, even for us. . .
Kick Me, Beat Me, Poke Me in the Eye (Part 2)
Bogdanovic bounced back the following day with the best possible response to his critics, picking up a doubles win with his partner, James Ward. Once again, he was dragged to the torture chamber deep in the bowels of Centre Court. Al was asked if seeing all those Brits out of the tournament "hurt quite a lot." He was also asked if he thought he'd been made a scapegoat for the problems of British tennis (Gee, who on earth would ever do that, fellas?).
And then there was this:
Q. You said yesterday you'd be back next year in the singles. The LTA have said you probably won't be getting your wild card next year. What's your reaction on that?
A: "Yeah, I probably won't. I have many chances. My goal, as I said, is probably I will concentrate on doubles."
Q. Do you think it's fair you won't get another wild card?
A: "Yeah, definitely. That's fair enough, for sure. I've had my chances and didn't - unfortunately - couldn't take them."
It takes a special kind of person to be a tennis player; especially a British tennis player, during Wimbledon.