A Peep Out of Pockets

In the least suspenseful award presentation since*Titanic* won the Oscar for best picture, TennisWorld's new Poet Laureate is: Highpockets (Madame 'Pockets, if you wish). Ray Stonada/Asad will be passing over the official TW divining rod, our heavily highlighted and dog-eared Official Irish Poet's Guide to Getting Through Life Without Every Having to Make Friends With Bill W, the outlandish, feathered hat - and all the other accoutrements befitting a poetess.

If memory serves, Highpockets first made big news here with an inspired paen to Roger Federer. It was so entertaining that, within minutes, the folks over at RF.com got holt of it, and published it there as well. I am having some trouble locating that bit of soaring poesy, but if someone has it at his or her fingertips please post it in the Comments. I emailed MP asking for it yesterday, just moments after I received this missive from her:

I'd like to recommend Andrew for some kind of Playwright of the Year award for his script earlier in this year ... I think it was during the Monte Carlo Masters. I tried to find it and will try again when I get home later, but wanted to at least get this nomination to you.

Well, I ain't heard a peep our of 'Pockets since then (you know those flighty poets!) I'll bet she jumped a plane for the (non-game-rich) Andes, and by this time tomorrow she'll be sitting atop the ruin of an ancient temple, contemplating the verities -  or listening to Enya on her I-pod or something. . .

Meanwhile, here is Madame 'Pockets tribute to the US Open:

*THE BOYS OF THE OPEN

What a splendid two weeks it turned out to be
At the year’s final Slam in old NYC.
The weather was perfect and the grandstand was packed
With raucous New Yorkers, mostly lacking in tact.

It was time for the men to put on a display,
And they certainly did so for the USTA.
With rousing five-setters and tie breaks galore,
When the hush of the crowd would break into a roar.

The guys left it out there on the USO blue,
Except for Gasquet, who came down with the flu.
Night matches had sparkle, day matches had flair,
And the Donald showed up with his comb-over hair.

There were oldsters and youngsters and fabulous Fabrice,
Who showed us why everyone calls him “Artiste.”
And James on that day said goodbye to the monkey,
Then was sent home by Tommy, who was feeling quite spunky.

Roddick showed heart in his match with the man,
He took it to Roger and stayed with his plan.
When match calling, Andre gave astute observations
About the brilliance of Roger and Andy’s frustrations.

There was speedy Ferrer, who showed us variety,
And proved he could even cause Rafa anxiety.
His fitness and shots on that night were superb,
But he then came up short in his match with the Serb.

Novak himself displayed humor and wit,
His impressions of Raf and Maria a hit.
He dispatched Ferrer in the heat of the day,
And awaited the news as to whom he would play.

Nicolay stuck to his game with precision,
And fought off the rumors and all the derision.
He broke Roger early … almost had the first set,
But after that it was clear he was never a threat.

Nole, in the final, was a quality foe,
He stood on that baseline and went toe to toe
With the champion, Roger, for several great games,
But in the end, just like Rafa, he went down in flames.

There are no more words to describe the Great One,
Who admits he was nervous, but got the job done.
Two more Grand Slam titles and he’s tied up with Pete,
But now fashion awaits him at the Vogue meet and greet.*

What I love about 'Pockets work is how it feels and reads with something like the familiarity of a nursery rhyme,  while being clever and perceptive in a way that invariably brings one of those little curling little smiles to your lips. So, Madame Pockets, well-earned!

I am also going to publish some of the more interesting/amusing "nominations" I received for various other TWibe members. Once again, it was a year of great traffic at the site, highlighted by a wonderful sense of community. Truth be told, you could probably come up with a special award for almost anyone who has posted here. And what about Steggy? Just months ago, she was getting posts yanked by vigilant moderators for using really crude language to heap scorn on what TW, with all that OT banter, had become since she was no longer associated with this site.

And now. . . here she is, cultivating that unique Internet persona in which she doles out recipes, explains the nuances of court speed, dispenses fashion tips, and wantonly takes the liberty to patronize and/or explain me to others, and always with that weird little  shrugs thing she does. Just what kind of an award - Internet Karma Chameleon of the Year? - does justice to that? What a place, TW: making the world a better place, one miracle at a time!

Well, thankfully, some of the nominations/awards are easier than others to package. Here are a few to ponder, and please feel free to elaborate, or throw in some of your own, in the Comments (I think I misplaced an email from MarieJ on this subject - if so, please post it, MJ!):

From Andrew:

Post of the Year:  Jenn, on the five stages of playing Nadal on clay.

Most Likely To Make You Spit Coffee Over My Keyboard Award:  (tie) Snoo Foo/Grant. (I don't know, folks, do we do ties at TW? And Grant, would you please email me via the Contact tab?)

The Justine's Solid, But Nothing Really Special Award - Bob

Long-time poster Abbey (hi Abbey!) suggested that our Homecoming King and Queen ought to be JJ and Amylu. Great idea, and as the petite shoe-thrower AmyLu is in Equador again as we speak, all I can say is:

G
O
J
U
A
N
J
O
S
E !!!!!!

AmyLu and JJ are TW's Couple-of-the-Year.

Frenchie weighed in to nominate Annabelle for the Ausssie-d'Honneur/Protector of Lost Causes award (for her allegiance to Andy Roddick). A number of other posters also singled her out for mention as a perpetually sunny and collegial soul.

So Annabelle also receives  the I'll bet There's Something Wrong With that Girl Down Deep award.

Frenchie also nominated Snoo Foo for Poster of the Year, but in making the case she found it important to  note that Snoo defended Nikolay Davydenko in a letter to the ATP brass regarding the potential disciplinary action brought against him for failing to put forth his best effort in a match this fall. Ptenisnet, who was took PoY honors, confirms that this is true, and so does Tari.  If you've ever experienced the Wrath of Snoo, you will understand why the ATP caved so swiftly and comprehensively to drop the charges against Kolya!

And on a more serious note - I agree with Frenchie's implication this was exactly the kind of act that represents the best use to which a fan can put his or her time, yet so few actually make the effort. So, I say, how about giving Snoo The Marty Tankleff Let' s Not Just Leave Them Twisting in the Wind award!

And do not for a moment think I'm being snide here; Tankleff is one dude who deserves all the love he can get.

CL suggested that the Does Your Heart Good award got to Mrs Santa for this comment to a fellow poster: “So unnecessarily harsh. I'm so proud of you, Tari.”

Mrs. Santa's comment, I have been informed by Snoo, is the direct result of an incident that also produced the Tarantino/Knuckle Dragger Mutually Assured Destruction award, which those inside the TW beltway know went to Tari and Zola.

And who was it who suggested that the Voice of Reason award be shared equally by Beth, Tari, Ruth and MarieJ? I would add, among others, Sam and Sherlock, which rhymes with "Warlock", but somebody has to break up that coven of reasonableness, eh?

Another triple: If it were up to Frenchie, the I'm Not a Tennis Geek, I Just Sound Like One! award goes to Tokyo Tom, Juan Jose and Andrew. But I say, what about Codepoke and Portugal's own combination Pratt-Slice-Skip, Mikey Seabra?

One thing is for sure, Tina gets the, Hey, Guess What, Guys? They're Drilling a Hole in my Head and All I Can think about is Croatian Sausage and Goran's Legs! award.

BTW, Tina dropped by to nominate jbradhunter as Most Fun Newbie (Personally, I think that he's actually our semi-AWOL but always hilarious Jay,  posting under a different name) And she also suggested that Viv receive what I choose to call the Lewis and Clark Journey of Discovery award, for having become the first TWibe member to complete a spectator Grand Slam (matching the feat of John McEnroe Sr.) - and chronicle the voyage here at TW.

Here are some more, culled by submissions from folks as diverse as Tari and GSte, who aren't that diverse at all, so what the hail am I talking about?  Anyway:

The Britney Spears Paparazza of the Year award: Rosangel.

Newcomers of the Year: Ed McGrogan, GVgirl, jbradhunter and Ali C.

The Poster Who is Easiest to Make Giggle award goes to: jb

Poster Mostly Likely to be an Utterly Ga-ga Grandma: Ruth

The TWNBF award co-recipients (that makes sense, as you need two people to make New Best Friends, right?): USC lovin' Jenn and keg-standing Beth.

The Foreign Correspondent of the Year award: Mikey Seabra.

TW's Book of the Year is:  James Blake and Rolo Tomassi/Andrew Friedman's Breaking Back (and here I thought that was about those gay cowboy dudes!)

The This Device Would be Really Annoying if it Didn't Actually Make Me Feel Better award goes to: Creig Bryan and his ks (keep smiling) sign-off.

The Boys in the Back of the Class Who Have the Best Snark Detectors award is shared by: Ryan and Sherlock.

The Karate Kid Humble Pupil award: Or (for keeping us updated on her lessons!)

Most Frazzled: Beckham
*
Poster Most Likely to Work "Beer" into a Comment*: Sam

The TW Most Improved Attitude With the Help of Caffein (avg per day: $6.79) award: Tim

Most Team Spirit: Tari.

The Where the Hail is Lucy???? award: Lucy

The Samantha Set the Bar High, But I Aim to to Clear it Anyway teenager-of-the-year award: Celia.

Poster Most Capable of Appearing Hilarous While Being the Ultimate Gloomy Gus: Bismarck

The Least Known Gem award: NDK

The Man, This is So Creative and Funny I Just Wish I knew What it Meant award: Snoo Foo.

Comeback Player of the Year: Tina

The To Hail With the Job, I'm Goin' to Portland! award: GVgirl.

TW Employees of the Month (Yes, you do get a parking space right by the front entance for a week!):  Heidi (female) and Ed McGrogan (male).

Posters Most Likely to be Confused with One Another: Yummy Prince Fed/Karen and GVgirl.

The Most Likely to Blow a Poster Out of the Water With One Line award: Mrs. Santa and Ms. Liron Rubin (they are still counting the votes, that's how close it is!).

The It Really Blows Being a KAD for Someone Whom So Many People Dislike award: Jay

The Rosangel Rafa Nadal KAD award: Zola

The Most Unlikely KAD Kouple at TW:  Samantha and Bob (Go Justine!)

The I'm Not the Starbucks Dude, but I Love Roger Federer Too! award: FoT

The Actually, I have the Statistics and Facts Right Here award: Rosangel and Andrew (They already counted the votes, but Rosangel and Andrew are trying to figure out what they mean).

Okay, now you all also know that there is some kind of Murphy's Law about somebody deserving invariably being left out of the mix, and for that I apologize in advance - this was a scattershot approach. But I would also really appreciate it if anyone redressed any oversight or decided to add  his or her two bits in the Comments.

And lastly, let's have moment of silence for all comrades who are MIA, including: Sanja, Matt Z, D-Wiz, and Jac. Come on back, guys. We miss you!