The latest off-court happenings in the world of tennis:

Kids, Do Not Try This At Home
Last month the great American humorist Garrison Keillor contributed a column to The New York Times about his trip to the U.K. While the focus of the piece was the systemic corruption within Parliament, Keillor tossed in a couple of recommendations for shows currently playing in London’s West End. He gave a rave review (“wowza”) to the vaudevillian-burlesque extravaganza “La Clique.” One of the show’s performers, a contortionist named Captain Frodo, is an obscenely double-jointed man who uses tennis racquets for props. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Federer at the Tonys?
Did anyone catch the Tony Awards Sunday night? Robert Fox, a producer of Best Play winner “God of Carnage,” called his ensemble cast—James Gandolfini, Marcia Gay Harden, Hope Davis and Jeff Daniels—“the acting equivalent of Roger Federer” during his acceptance speech.

Crazy Father Knows Best
How should we raise our future Grand Slam winners? Slate’s Huan Hsu, who did a candid piece last year about the Michael Chang effect on Chinese-American tennis players, wrote recently that national federations don’t produce great players, insane parents do. “Why are so many tennis parents unhinged, and why are they so successful at incubating talent?” Hsu asks. He thinks that if there were more Richard Williamses, maybe American men would win a Slam again. Of course, Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal seem to have done all right being raised by well-adjusted parents.

Well-Adjusted Parent in Action
Last week Diane Pucin of the Los Angeles Times’ “Fabulous Forum” sports blog confirmed what we all suspected: Roger Federer has nice parents. A representative of FitKidsUSA responded to Pucin’s column about the way Rafael Nadal handled his loss at Roland Garros and the way LeBron James handled the Cavs’ loss in the Eastern Conference Finals. (Recap: Nadal showed up at his press conference; James left the court without congratulating members of the victorious Orlando Magic and then skipped the press conference, incurring a $25,000 fine.) The FitKids rep, Kathleen Goyette, says she contacted Roger Federer’s foundation to help out with her organization, and within 12 hours Rog’s mom, Lynette, had written back with information on how the two organizations could work together.

Deep Thoughts with Rafa
Matthew Syed wrote an essay for the London Times website about Rafael Nadal’s refreshing profundity following his first loss ever at the French Open. “Some will take Nadal's defeat as eloquent testimony to sport's infinite capacity to spring surprises, to keep us guessing, to ravish us with its glorious capriciousness,” Syed writes. “But Nadal took a different lesson, a subtler lesson, dare I say it, a more philosophical lesson. In his defeat, Nadal told us that he had glimpsed the meaning of victory.” To find out more about the meaning of victory according to Syed, click here.

Musique de Roland Garros
Had NBC shown the Federer-del Potro semifinal live, I never would have discovered Housse de Racket, the French band that composed the Radio Roland Garros “jingle.” I went onto RG’s site to tune into the live radio feed, and instead of listening to the match, I found myself listening to Housse’s music through their myspace page. Any band that counts “Mc Enroe, Mc Cartney, Mc Intosh, Mc Donald’s” as influences is all right by me. Check out the band’s video for the dance-y pop tune “Oh Yeah.”

Celebrities at Roland Garros
Rachel Bilson, who starred on the Fox series The O.C. and hasn’t done much since, and her fiancé, Hayden “Anakin Skywalker” Christensen (dressed appropriately in Lacoste), attended the tournament on May 29. … While vacationing from their day jobs, Desperate Housewives actress Eva Longoria and her husband, San Antonio Spurs point guard (and French citizen) Tony Parker, were spotted sitting in the president’s box during the Fernando Gonzalez-Robin Soderling semifinal. … Charlotte Gainsbourg, the daughter of iconic French musician Serge Gainsbourg and model/actress Jane Birkin, was at the Federer-del Potro semifinal. Gainsbourg recently won the Best Actress award at Cannes for her work in Lars Van Trier’s new film, AntiChrist. … Surprise, Vogue editrix Anna Wintour was taking up space in the players’ box at Federer’s semifinal match and the final.

Miley Can Sing, But She Can’t Swing
Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus has been taking tennis lessons. Last week, she Twittered that her “tennis teacher” told her she was the worst student ever.

Supreme Court
Sports blog Deadspin.com has put up a clip from the Brian Williams’ special, “Inside the Obama White House,” that aired on NBC last week. President Obama explains how he is bringing hoops action to the first family’s new home. I’ll let you decide if this is a travesty or a great example on how to recycle space.

Bret and Jermaine Serve Up Laughter
“Flight of the Conchords” fans will appreciate the YouTube clips of the comedy duo playing “giant tennis” for a charity event in Wellington, New Zealand. It must have been big news in that country as all the networks covered it. There is this one… and this one… and this one.

Jelena Does Cannes
Before the French Open, Jelena Jankovic attended a benefit for amfAR (the AIDS research foundation) at the Cannes film festival. Sharon Stone hosted the event, which included an auction. A kiss from Twilight vampire Robert Pattison went for $28,000. Private tennis lessons with Monica Seles and Jankovic, who was glammed up in a Georges Hobeika dress: $42,000.